Speaking of Awesomeness...
At the beginning of the preseason, I thought trading Jay Cutler to Chicago for QB-by-committee man Kyle Orton was a really really stupid idea. Now, at 6-0, I cannot seem to remember why I thought that.
To help explain my turn of feelings, I've prepared this handy chart:
Guy who throws interceptions in the red zone: Cutler: X Orton: _
Guy with "gunslinger mentality" (a.k.a. makes bad decisions with football): Cutler: X Orton: _
Guy who whined 'till his team traded him: Cutler: X Orton: _
Guy with stupid mustache: Cutler:_ Orton: X (ok, this one's on you, Kyle)
In Orton's defense, Denver is not known for its awesome facial hair (I'm talking to that dead muskrat on your face, Todd Helton) or really for its good hair in general (fingers point at you, Mullet Master Troy Tulowitzki). Frankly, what's below the neck isn't always a fashion statement of elegance and beauty. Seriously, who else saw the past couple weeks of Broncos uniforms and threw up in their mouths a little?
Fortunately, talent and winning has nothing to do with beauty and everything to do with guts (or, as Torii Hunter would put it, something that rhymes with, and means the same thing as "guts"). This, Orton has in spades. Sure, I mocked when he came out of a preseason game with a "finger injury." My sister speculated that he had a widdle boo boo, maybe as bad as a paper cut. Then I found out that that little triangle of blood on his finger was actually his freaking bone coming OUT OF HIS FREAKING FINGER. This is no sissy, people.
So, Kyle Orton, on behalf of myself and all of Broncos Nation: our bad. We're super sorry! We love you! Find a razor!
Guy who throws interceptions in the red zone: Cutler: X Orton: _
Guy with "gunslinger mentality" (a.k.a. makes bad decisions with football): Cutler: X Orton: _
Guy who whined 'till his team traded him: Cutler: X Orton: _
Guy with stupid mustache: Cutler:_ Orton: X (ok, this one's on you, Kyle)
In Orton's defense, Denver is not known for its awesome facial hair (I'm talking to that dead muskrat on your face, Todd Helton) or really for its good hair in general (fingers point at you, Mullet Master Troy Tulowitzki). Frankly, what's below the neck isn't always a fashion statement of elegance and beauty. Seriously, who else saw the past couple weeks of Broncos uniforms and threw up in their mouths a little?
Fortunately, talent and winning has nothing to do with beauty and everything to do with guts (or, as Torii Hunter would put it, something that rhymes with, and means the same thing as "guts"). This, Orton has in spades. Sure, I mocked when he came out of a preseason game with a "finger injury." My sister speculated that he had a widdle boo boo, maybe as bad as a paper cut. Then I found out that that little triangle of blood on his finger was actually his freaking bone coming OUT OF HIS FREAKING FINGER. This is no sissy, people.
So, Kyle Orton, on behalf of myself and all of Broncos Nation: our bad. We're super sorry! We love you! Find a razor!
2 comments:
He's good! 6 games, just 1 INT, and it was at a time when it didn't matter. With all the picks Denver got in the Cutler trade too, they came out great.
Now I just want Orton to get photographed more drinking and fooling around with women. That was funny.
Oh my goodness....I loved this blog! I laughed and nodded in agreement! I wonder how we can get Tulo and Orton to read your blog...
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