Discomfort Zone
On Stage Fright:
Last night, I attended the Second Anniversary celebration for the church where my boyfriend’s brother, David, is pastor. David had asked me about two weeks ago if I would sing Hosanna, by Hillsong, at the service. I said sure but never had the chance to rehearse with anyone so both Elí and I figured it had been scrapped. Our group arrived a little late, after the service had already started. We sang a couple of songs and then we all sat for the special music. I thought, oh good, they found some other special music.
Remember how I live my life in a constant state of incorrectly interpreting a situation?
David announced that the special music would be by a missionary from North America. I was like, oh crap, that’s me! I knew I needed to go up to the stage but for one bad second, I couldn’t move any part of my body. Right before I thought Elí was going to bodily pick me up out of my chair, I managed to walk rather mechanically up to the front, pick up a microphone and turn to face the extremely full church. I might have said something then by way of introduction, or a nice Gloria a Dios or something, but my attention was completely absorbed by trying to remember the first line of the song and not throwing up on my fancy dress. Actually, it was only the presence of my fancy dress that convinced me that this was really happening. It wouldn't have surprised me in the least to look down, discover I was naked, and realize this was all just a dream. Sometimes, I don't even remember where my comfort zone is.
And so it was that I sang a song that nobody could understand, accompanied by a man I’d never seen before, without any warm-up or practice of any kind. All things considered, I think it went pretty well!
On Nature:
Not to unduly alarm you or anything but we had a little earthquake on Thursday. It was a wee non-destructive thing; I think I heard it measured 5.8. I didn’t know what was happening at first. I was in bed, trying to taking a nap, when the bed started shaking. My first clear thought was that whoever was doing that needed to stop ‘cause it was making me seasick. Then I realized that no one was doing that. Interesting. It only lasted about 30 seconds, which was merciful, since it really did make me very queasy. My very first earthquake!
On Perseverance:
Some days, I feel like I am absolutely nowhere. Take this morning, for example. I was visiting one of the feeding centers. This should be great, right? I’m doing my job, being responsible. Except nobody would let me do anything to help prepare the food. Then they sent me off to the church service, which lasted two and half interminable hours. Meanwhile they fed the kids without telling me. I don't even have a photos.
It’s times like this when I flee back to my littleprison cell room, curl up on my bare mattress and quietly weep. I suck at my job. It makes absolutely no difference whether or not it’s my fault.
I take a lot of comfort in Romans 5. “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us…” Perseverance, to me, is simply putting one foot in front of the other, moving on when everything in you wants to give up. I can do that, I think. Maybe I’m not quite up to rejoicing, but I do believe that hope - even in the midst of all the frustration, all the feelings of failure - will not disappoint me.
Last night, I attended the Second Anniversary celebration for the church where my boyfriend’s brother, David, is pastor. David had asked me about two weeks ago if I would sing Hosanna, by Hillsong, at the service. I said sure but never had the chance to rehearse with anyone so both Elí and I figured it had been scrapped. Our group arrived a little late, after the service had already started. We sang a couple of songs and then we all sat for the special music. I thought, oh good, they found some other special music.
Remember how I live my life in a constant state of incorrectly interpreting a situation?
David announced that the special music would be by a missionary from North America. I was like, oh crap, that’s me! I knew I needed to go up to the stage but for one bad second, I couldn’t move any part of my body. Right before I thought Elí was going to bodily pick me up out of my chair, I managed to walk rather mechanically up to the front, pick up a microphone and turn to face the extremely full church. I might have said something then by way of introduction, or a nice Gloria a Dios or something, but my attention was completely absorbed by trying to remember the first line of the song and not throwing up on my fancy dress. Actually, it was only the presence of my fancy dress that convinced me that this was really happening. It wouldn't have surprised me in the least to look down, discover I was naked, and realize this was all just a dream. Sometimes, I don't even remember where my comfort zone is.
And so it was that I sang a song that nobody could understand, accompanied by a man I’d never seen before, without any warm-up or practice of any kind. All things considered, I think it went pretty well!
On Nature:
Not to unduly alarm you or anything but we had a little earthquake on Thursday. It was a wee non-destructive thing; I think I heard it measured 5.8. I didn’t know what was happening at first. I was in bed, trying to taking a nap, when the bed started shaking. My first clear thought was that whoever was doing that needed to stop ‘cause it was making me seasick. Then I realized that no one was doing that. Interesting. It only lasted about 30 seconds, which was merciful, since it really did make me very queasy. My very first earthquake!
On Perseverance:
Some days, I feel like I am absolutely nowhere. Take this morning, for example. I was visiting one of the feeding centers. This should be great, right? I’m doing my job, being responsible. Except nobody would let me do anything to help prepare the food. Then they sent me off to the church service, which lasted two and half interminable hours. Meanwhile they fed the kids without telling me. I don't even have a photos.
It’s times like this when I flee back to my little
I take a lot of comfort in Romans 5. “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us…” Perseverance, to me, is simply putting one foot in front of the other, moving on when everything in you wants to give up. I can do that, I think. Maybe I’m not quite up to rejoicing, but I do believe that hope - even in the midst of all the frustration, all the feelings of failure - will not disappoint me.
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1 comments:
Yipes on the impromptu performance - good jump under pressure! Hey, maybe that's what you should've sung...lol
Am very glad to hear that the earthquake didn't cause any damage near you, but I can imagine the seasickness - ick.
And you don't suck at your job IMHO. Chin up :)
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