Reflections on Maui

On Atmospherics:
The first thing I noticed upon getting off the airplane was that Hawaiian air has much too much water and oxygen in it. I thought that growing up in St. Louis, MO (which has the summer weather patterns of an armpit) would prepare me for a tropical atmosphere. Apparently, nearly two years of living in Colorado's air (which has no water in it, and very little oxygen) has undone 20 years of humidity training.
But once I could walk around again without feeling like I was trying to inhale a sleeping bag, I had my second observation: Maui rocks my face off. It looks like a postcard and smells like a flower shop. It is, in the immortal words of my Hawaiian friend Jeff, "niiiiiice."

On Ocean Rafting:
Ok, so technically I was surfing, but I'm still not convinced that my surfing apparatus was a board and not a raft. It was HUGE. Paddling the thing was borderline ridiculous as I was completely spread eagle across it trying to propel myself forward using only my finger tips (I am only slightly exaggerating here). I did get fully upright my very first try. But missed out on any actual surfing when some big dude immediately plowed into my raft and dropped my butt into the ocean. It was kind of downhill from there. Note to self: attempt surfing before badly scraping knees while snorkeling. The problem was that each time I did it, instead of getting more relaxed and comfortable (read "more upright"), I kept rushing more and more in an attempt to spend as little time on my poor broken knees as possible. But I am happy to report that I fall with enough panache to keep me from being seriously injured by the rocky bottom of the shallow water. Go team me! However, while I was standing still, doing nothing, waiting in line, I managed to wack my ankle into a super unfriendly rock. Ow.
It's possible that surfing is not the sport for me. Which is too bad, 'cause I look cute in a rash guard.

On Humility
There is just nothing quite like having the ocean pick you up and shove your head in the sand to make you realize that you aren't nearly as cool and powerful as you thought you were. But you will have plenty of time to reflect on your own smallness while you wash your hair for the fifth time in a vain attempt to get the sand out.

On Crevices
I know I, personally, tried to smuggle the half of the beach that wasn't in my hair back to the condo using only my crotch. Not sure how I did it, but I got sand in crevices I didn't even know I had! About that point was when I truly missed my detachable shower head back home. I got that particular shower head for the purpose of killing spiders, but I would have been ideal for crevice excavation too. Unfortunately all the condo had was a fixed shower head. On the other hand, it also had very little water pressure. Can we say inadequate for the task! I even considered climbing the walls and hanging from the shower ceiling in a spiderman-esque sort of way in order to get better access. In the end (har har) it was my trusty body poof to the rescue. Unfortunately, me and my poof might now be legally married in some countries...

On Small Dive Boats
I have one word to describe these wee sea crafts: bleeeeeeergh. It turns out I get wicked seasick. We went on this vessel of doom out to Molokini crater, a marine preserve. I'm sure it's lovely, although I didn't see too much of it myself.
Having never been on a boat in anything choppier than a lake, I just took some Dramamine and called it good. Talk about inadequate for the task! The good news is, my prayers for death were never answered. I took something called triptone (which could be how you spell it...) which is specific for seasickness. But, since I was already sick, it took a long while to kick in. While I was waiting to stop feeling so green, I learned the valuable skill of laying on a bench and hooking my elbows so I didn't go flying off the boat each time the &%#$^% thing rocked. This story does turn out well though, as the triptone did eventually kick in, and I got to snorkel outside the crater where the snorkel tours do not go.

Maui is wonderful. Time moves slower there. I hope you get the chance to go someday, you will love it. I came home tanned and totally relaxed, not to mention well exfoliated.