A Requiem for Butter

I have started eating excruciatingly healthy. Not that I am morbidly obese or anything, I just decided to make a lifestyle change and become the best and healthiest me I can be.
No wait, that's a lie. I really did it because I'm afraid if I get any fatter, I'll have to buy new pants, and I am wayyyyyyy to cheap to stomach (har!) that one.

So it's out with the refined flours and sugars, adios mr. white rice, and most importantly, don't-let-the-door-hit-you-on-the-way-out high fructose corn syrup. I have embraced the wonderful world of red peppers, walnuts, and the bulk grain section of the Wild Oats store. Surprisingly, most of the dishes we've made in this new philosophy of health have been delicious. We've created something we like to call Spicy Chicken Upside Down Whole Wheat Gilpin Street Lasagna (obviously we're working on a new name!) that is to DIE for. Seriously, it's the yummiest thing I've put in my mouth, possibly ever. If you want the recipe, send $20 to me.

If you happen to be inspired by this level of delicious healthfulness, I feel it is my sacred duty to warn you -- never EVER put marinara sauce on a baked potato. Save yourself some time and just throw the raw potato directly in the trash. It was so gross I, who was starving at the time, could not eat it. And I have successfully powered down many a dish that was "food" (if only to keep the voice in my head that is my mother's from yelling at me for throwing away food).

The only other bit of severe disappointment is this week's lunch soup. I say it's disappointing because my aunt, who made it, is Queen of Soup Making, and I was prepared to be dazzled. I wasn't. But no worries, I thought to myself, I will just add something else in and it will be a delicious soup. But after rooting around in the fridge, the only thing to add was turkey bacon. If you have ever had turkey bacon, then you too know: it tastes like shoes.
So I heated up my soup at work and threw in a piece of turkey bacon. I had more than one piece available but hey, no sense over-shoeing the soup. On a side note, tell me that OverShoe the Soup would NOT be an excellent name for a bar!

Changing your diet may be really hard, and it may require a firm commitment, and it may mean saying no to foods that are comforting and incredibly delicious like chicken fingers, and cheese cake, and doughnuts....and french fries.....and cinnamon rolls..... Uh, what was my point?
Oh, yes, health=good. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to eat my shoe soup and weep a little bit.