For Good
On Birthdays:
Once you reach a certain age, birthdays tend to make people insufferably reflective. It's self-indulgent, pompous, and totally my turn. So let us take a moment to stop and smell the xochitl and hork up the cud that was my 26th year of life.
Last year at this time:
I was still a college student
I had never set off a firework
I was painfully monolingual (the true extent of my Spanish was ordering at Chipotle)
I still lived in Denver
So did my cat
I had a paying job
I didn't have a boyfriend
I had never said the word fijate
I didn't know $#*& about poverty
I took showers with hot water
I went barefoot in my apartment (and the shower for that matter)
I had the vague, angsty unhappiness that comes from not doing anything with your life
I had never experienced thehideous crap wonder and joy that is Spanish literature
I had no idea what I was going to do with myself after my mission stint was up
I never worried about mice running across my toothbrush
Now, of course, not one of those things is true. It's been a strange year. Almost nothing happened like I thought it would. Sometimes that was a really bad, frustrating thing, but in other cases, it was an unasked for, unhoped for blessing.
This year, more than any other, has changed me. It's like everything I ever was, every version of me, and everything I thought I might be, got tossed in the crucible and what came out was the real Me. Not some completely new person, rather a better rendered sketch of who I am.
I hope you still know me when I come home.
"Who can say if I've been changed for the the better? I do believe I have been changed for the better. Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
Once you reach a certain age, birthdays tend to make people insufferably reflective. It's self-indulgent, pompous, and totally my turn. So let us take a moment to stop and smell the xochitl and hork up the cud that was my 26th year of life.
Last year at this time:
I was still a college student
I had never set off a firework
I was painfully monolingual (the true extent of my Spanish was ordering at Chipotle)
I still lived in Denver
So did my cat
I had a paying job
I didn't have a boyfriend
I had never said the word fijate
I didn't know $#*& about poverty
I took showers with hot water
I went barefoot in my apartment (and the shower for that matter)
I had the vague, angsty unhappiness that comes from not doing anything with your life
I had never experienced the
I had no idea what I was going to do with myself after my mission stint was up
I never worried about mice running across my toothbrush
Now, of course, not one of those things is true. It's been a strange year. Almost nothing happened like I thought it would. Sometimes that was a really bad, frustrating thing, but in other cases, it was an unasked for, unhoped for blessing.
This year, more than any other, has changed me. It's like everything I ever was, every version of me, and everything I thought I might be, got tossed in the crucible and what came out was the real Me. Not some completely new person, rather a better rendered sketch of who I am.
I hope you still know me when I come home.
"Who can say if I've been changed for the the better? I do believe I have been changed for the better. Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
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4 comments:
Great song :) I am still pretty happy not to worry about mice running across my toothbrush, but my life has changed pretty dramatically in the last year as well.
I love that song. It is amazing what can happen when you let go and let God! Don't know that I could handle mice running over my toothbrush....
oh my gosh...Lindsey and I sang this song over and over and over and over again senior year. I even remember singing it while mopping and crying! oi. (in other news...the word verfication is marryw...weird!)
Happy birthday! We will surely know you because the you that is now on the outside has been on the inside all along....
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